Phir Ek Baar

Yun hi aaj phir say,
man mein ek khayal aaya...
sab paed jinsay pattay jhad gayey thay;
unpay shayad ek baar phir say,
bahar aanay ka mausam laut aaya.

*****

aur unki vajah say,
kisi aur ko phir say
apna kuch kuch khona pada.
Kya yehi hai Uska faisala?

*****

tum jhoom rahey ho,
kisi aur ka haath thamey;
jab tak paisa hai,
banaogay apni ayyashi kay bahaney.
kal ko jab sar pay maut mandarayegi,
kisko dhoondnay jaogay?

*****

On Love...

Where is love when one says
"Love, I love you"?
Is love all about saying
the three words, with passion?
with emotion?
with a cry that comes from deep within?
Isn't it much more than the echo of those words?

Love is knowing deep down,
whatever the temptation,
the love would hold good.
Love is, when I can trust,
and let go, not blindly,
but in faith - that it's mine to claim.

Love is when your pain
can bring sorrow to my eyes.
Love is when I can't
let you suffer all alone.

Love is when I can stand against
pains like domestic violence,
that break any love that might have been -
Feeling blessed that it doesn't pierce our walls.

Love is when I can see
how dreams of one are often over-ridden by another,
and feel thankful in the knowledge that
my dreams are being taken care.

Love is when I am sick
and can look at the patience in another pair of eyes.
Love is when I am scared to reach for the stars,
and my love tries to bring them within my reach.

Love is when someone lets me be who I truly am,
guiding me to get better at being myself;
with so much love and care that I don't even realize
how I may begin to bloom.

Love is when one is with you;
living, breathing, knowing, learning,
fighting, understanding, growing with you.

Love is when you know
there is someone watching behind you.
Love is when someone ensures
you are safe, when you go away.

Love is helping someone
live a good life to the fullest,
ensuring togetherness lasts
beyond each-other's physical presence...

Women!

Now don't get me wrong. I am always at the receiving end. One says, she has taken care of me life-long, so whatever I do or say, I must not forget what she has tried to make of me! :( Another says, she is going to give up all for me, so I better not forget to die for her if needed. You are right. One is mother and another wife.

Just look at them - driving me! :(

Looking Deep Within

So, now, one more of the faltering double-dating guy is caught. What does it mean to any of us and what does it matter? It's a big name and to some it seems that much more important to mud-sling, now that the 'flings' have come to light. Is it because one is 'having all' that he/she should not 'cross-over' the fence? Or, similarly, should the 'not have' category be allowed to make the transitions over the fence of morality, every once in a while?

Where, when, who and why does one need to draw a line and remain sane? Should one be pardoned as one speaks of 'doing soul-search' after repeated indulgence? For that matter, repeated or for just once, when all trust and feeling is betrayed - can there be any justice at all? For all involved?

I agree, its a matter of personal choice. Which way you want to go, coupled with the 'circumstances' life creates for you - isn't it a matter of one's very personal persona? Temptations. Sufferings. Mental agony. Lies. Above all, the self-forgiveness... doesn't it all lose it's very meaning when 'selfishness' is all that mattered in moments of desire?

We are all human. We tend to commit mistakes while making decisions, while investing our time, effort, money as well as emotions. However, of what value is the emotional bonding if we are not truthful to the first ties itself? What's truly wrong in an extra-marital affair? The timing? Yes, so long as you are bound to one emotionally (including the ones existing within the other person's mind and heart and you being aware of the same) - how can you go beyond? Isn't it - knowingly hurting? Doesn't it make grounds for emotional trauma?

Now, you may ask, how can what one get hurt by what one doesn't know? Here's an eye-opener for you. Most of the truly committed people do know when vibes change. The very presence of that 'someone else' doesn't need a magnifying glass or a witness or hearsay. It's there and 'felt'. That's the whole crux of what we call 'togetherness in a relationship', isn't it? No, it isn't possible for one to completely comprehend why, how and because of why does the love pulls itself away, slowly and steadily. Before a big dent, there are several moments of self-realization, which we may choose to overlook or ignore. There may not be any turning back from relationships gone sour. Still, we don't un-plug when we are no longer connected. We tend to continue, being plugged, but not in sync, hoping somehow something within either of us will change - and we would be like before. Whose fault is it when something like this happens?

Why create a persona that you can not sustain?...

Scribblings

What's on my mind? Lots. What is it that's worth sharing? All of it. Am I going to go ahead and scribble away or keep thinking and avoid writing? I don't know. Sometimes, you are just too full of things. One day you are feeling completely blessed and so positive about life and there isn't a sign of any thing sad. The other day, hope seems to be snatched away and you are left gaping at the big wide world out there. What should one do in such times?

Get angry at the world and the 'creator' and keep cribbing? Be sad and be quiet and let things get on by themselves? Why does a cup of hot chocolate or coffee quieten you but let your tears spill over? Is it because, while you are all alone with just that cup in your hands - the loneliness is gnawing at you deep down? Or, is it because the more you may be avoiding thinking about a particular issue - the more it comes to the forefront as you switch channels between sips of coffee?

Whatever it is, it is no doubt troublesome to try to calm down when you can see yourself failing to do that even. Maybe, if one could sleep when upset, it would resolve issues temporarily. Oh, no wonder the 'drink' or 'drug' makes sense when emotions are way too high to be controlled. There are people who drink because they like to. Those numbers are few. There are more who drink because they look at it as a escape from the "to-do's" on their list. Sad, but most of the people who take to drinking as something enjoyable, start relying upon it to provide life's answers. Little do they realize, they are ruining life by themselves. Slaves of the bottle!

How wonderful it would be instead, if all of us could find our own bottled Genie? Life would be so much more sorted out. Is it that the genie is already very much within us, but we fail to see? Who put Him there and why do we call the genie -God? Why do we ask Him to bring about the changes that we are not making in our lives? You know, its sad but I guess, when you have a Genie at your disposal, you get too used to asking favors or giving orders (whichever way you take it). You don't look at Genie as something 'awesome' anymore and you expect all your whims and fancies to be realized. Selfish, isn't it?

Traffic Jungle on the roads

Some of them are just like bees - buzzing and passing by you before you even realize from where they came. Some are like monkeys climbing over one tree to another, changing lanes with such agility and non-bothered attitude that you end up thinking it's their right to do so. Some are like tortoises or creepy crawlies, only difference being they choose the center of the road to display their peaceful pace. Some are like dogs, they choose to think that the whole traffic moves because they honk (read growl). Few are fire flies. They have been out in the late hours and have forgotten to turn off their lights. Some are bunnies, forever prodding people to race against themselves. There are some elephants too, scaring everyone else with a mad stomping like gait.

How would you describe yourself? ...

Next time you are on the road, spare a thought:
Your vehicle has rear view mirrors. Change lanes when you have very little chance to hop in front of anyone else.

More Ramblings...

1. Roads - scraped like processed cheese is grated. :(
2. I am going fast b'coz I need to. I am not in any race with you...
3. Why do we need life's trials? God's way of opening our eyes to 'pain'...
4. What happens after death? I don't know, I am yet to go that way.
5. Oh wow! You are getting married! [Do you have any idea what emotional bonding, togetherness, giving up - is all about?]
6. It takes little courage and some madness to make any personal decision.

On "Out of Boundaries"

***

The dad remains the same.
Its the husband who is changed.
Or do the kids feel it too -
when a man stops loving his wife?

***

You can roam everywhere
with that 'someone else'...
in whose arms would you
like to pass away?
Does the thought ever come
when you go astray?

***

I wonder how someone can
double up the one life.
Deep inside, beyond the smiles,
wouldn't there be any strife?

***

You smile,
I smile.
I think,
You don't.
I know.
Do you?

Random Thoughts

1. Why do people discuss so much, out of their own habit of nit-picking; that they forget what they were coming to say!?!

2. Yeah, I have started using 'exclamation' marks more often than grammatically permitted. Wonder why? Maybe, that's b'coz the excitement doesn't have any time to be channelized rationally!

3. I asked myself, why anonymous blog? Ah well, if I can think it, I can write it - I dare to own it. Yes, I can. But will you be able to digest all that's put there? From 'someone like me'? ;) I am more than what you know me to be - even more than what I know myself to be - and if that is true - how can we put limits on me or you?...

4. What is the so called "Corporate Culture"? How does it work? Is keeping mum (against your nature) and smilingly obliging the only way to get through the maze? When the cheese is not same for everyone, what can keep everyone motivated? Do all the people who work well, do it for the 'booty' only? Just because there is a promised 'booty', should one be a 'yes man'?

5. How many people truly believe in - "Knowledge increases when shared"? ...

Think and Write?

To write and think
or to think and write,
which is wise?
None.
To not write?
Better.
You are almost there.
What?
Don't think...?
Perfect!